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Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Life is a Building With Many Doors

The only time the world is dark is when it is viewed through closed eyelids. When it is taken in blindly. Because when you close your eyes you run into things that you may have otherwise navigated around. But because you chose not to look, you couldn't see what was there. You couldn't see what was right in front of you, threatening your safety and well-being. And these blind moments are what construct us and cause our wounds. This is where we place all of our personal power. Our wounds dictate almost every choice we make. We run into something with our eyes closed, never actually seeing it coming or going, and all we take from it was that it hurt. We don't wish to understand it or to mold it. We do not wish to observe it or to learn from it. We wish only to avoid it in the future because that hurt was too unbearable to experience again.

Life, you see, is a building full of many doors. Those doors open up to reveal countless rooms full of memories and people and places and emotions. Some which we have touched and held and some which we have only longed for. But once we have opened a door and know what is on the other side of it we allow our emotions to dictate to us whether to cast away caution and race inside or to lock the door permanantly and forever. What is interesting to note is that most of our locked rooms have never been fully explored. Most often times because we tried to enter them with our eyes closed and, as previously mentioned, ran into something that created a wound. Which of course forced us to turn right back around and turn the key in the lock. In life you will feel deeply the moments when you approach a familiar, locked door. The problem with locked doors, of course, is that we are the owner of their keys. We make a choice to lock them and thus may unlock them with just as much ease by simply using the metaphorical keys we conceal in our pockets, just in case. For no decision is truly permanent when it comes to these rooms of our lives. We may revisit them at our own discretion by the will of own minds, our greatest strength and our greatest weakness. Some doors should stay locked and some should be opened, but how does one know which kind of door is before them? In these moments it's almost as though you can feel your hand on the knob. And right as you begin to turn it, you will remember your wound. You will remember how much it hurt and maybe still hurts to enter that room. You may even find your curiousity trying to negotiate with you. What if it will be different somehow? What if you don't remember it correctly? What if you walk away and miss out on something of dire importance? Why were you led to this door again were you not meant to open it? What ifs and whys could drown out the sun. They could collapse the mountains and flood the oceans. What ifs and whys are more powerful than most other thoughts. They are the thoughts that haunt us. And sometimes you will open that door but most likely, after a moment or two of hesitation you will remove your hand from the knob and you will walk away, carrying your what ifs and whys like a fetus awaiting birth with fervor and resentment.

Suffice it to say that most of us lock the wrong doors and in turn leave the wrong ones open. But what is comfortable and predictable is not always what is right. As an example, a person who has always endured abusive relationships may have closed the door to happiness when they walked into that room expecting what they had always had. They entered the room with their eyes closed and when they entered they ran into something unfamiliar and it caused a wound. It wasn't bad or good, just different. Sometimes what causes a wound is simply the inability to compare it to what you already know. The main failure we as people endure is the expectations we attach to our experiences. We are blind, eyes closed, to the idea that we cannot know what will happen. We cannot prepare for it. We can only experience it. It is because of our expectations that we lock so many doors. The reality is though that each new experience must be welcomed with an open mind. Expectations are the effort of a lazy man who does not wish to process his world as it is but, instead, wishes to create an end at the beginning and stifle the ability for the end to create itself. In short he does not see the possibilities only the restraints. I challenge you to revisit some of your locked doors but to open your eyes when you enter them. Do not drag expectations inside. Give breath to your what ifs and becauses to your whys. And never forget that you are the navigator and the captain. Only you can remove those keys from your pocket. Only you can unlock those doors and see what lies beyond them.

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